string of disappointments

i clean my floor like roach remains
get stomped on exploded
and carried away by ants eating
nachos at baseball games

i see white like empty pages
wadded up and thrown away
my enemies are heartbeats
of everything you want but never do

i play fingers to the brain
like a mental game of
chicken forsaking impossible
ideals and a mother’s unlucky love

i hold freedom like irrelevant
receipts in my back pocket
and the girls who wave good-bye
she has hugs for everyone but me